Rethinking Broken

Rethinking Broken, is a book & workbook in one, whose purpose is to show people who think they are broken a way out of the behaviors and habits that no longer work well for them. Its is focused on finding a way forward for folks with the roughest of pasts. Inside this book you'll find hard truths, comforting solace, a call to action and a demand that you handle your sh*t!  We aren't responsible for the crap that happened to us as kids but we are responsible for not doing the same crap to the next generation.

 

Each and every person who has ever walked this earth has at least one true personal story that will break your heart. Each of us handles those demons differently. Some folks can pray them away. Some go to the gym or do yoga. Some shop, some eat, some gamble, some sleep. Some drink, drug and even sex them away. And some of us tried every single way we could get our hands on. While some people seem to be able to successfully control their demons with these strategies.  Some of us can’t.

Eventually the price of the bottle that can drown certain memories is far too steep. For some of us there comes a point where our strategies fail and we can no longer eat our fear and loneliness into submission. Some of us will wake up one day and realize we are halfway through our lives and we’ve slept through all the best parts in hopes of missing the bad, yet the bad came anyway. And yes there even comes a point that the most satisfying, greatest sex with the most beautiful people is still followed by an even greater emptiness… Some of us just have too many demons to wrestle. And should we grow brave or stupid enough to spar a round with our demons they almost always seem to leave us broken under a dog pile of self-loathing. If this is your reality, I’m sorry. Know that you are not alone.

   
Feeling broken sucks. Sucks isn't a strong enough word. Its truly awful.  Feeling like something is wrong with you is obviously bad enough. Any time something breaks around a broken person it makes sense and is very easy to blame it on them instead of looking for the real cause of the issue. But the hidden damage is often worse. Over time, "broken" people forget that at our core we still believe we are broken. Because we forget it when things are going good, we don’t always realize when that belief is sabotaging our happiness and fulfillment with subconscious assumptions.

We take on the blame of the whole world and feel guilty even when we have no reason to be. We subject ourselves to punishments that we don’t deserve just because we know we can “take it.” We accidentally say stupid things at the worst possible times, and yell at the wrong people when we get triggered. We often pull away or all together avoid any chances at real meaningful intimacy. And most of the time we feel justified in it. Like I said its awful to be "broken"…

 

Rethinking Broken takes a different perspective. I don't think you trauma broke you. It guides each reader to identify their own personal strengths and weaknesses through evaluating some of their less than proud moments as well as the ones where we felt unstoppable. Then the reader is guided to an understanding that their strengths and weaknesses often come from the same skill set established by the dynamics of early life. Strengths and weaknesses combined I call "strengthnesses" because they are two sides of the same coin. The deciding factor of which side of your "strengthnesses" shows up is your environment.

 

If you put a Neurosurgeon in a combat zone he will most likely not perform very well. Why? He's got the same two arms, eyes and legs and a trigger finger just like everyone else doesn't he?  So what's the problem? The problem is It's the wrong environment for his skills to be useful. He spent years developing a skill set to be useful in a specific environment. As humans we need to be able to use our skills and feel confident in them  in order to thrive. Using the right skills in the right place at the right time is what has kept all living beings alive from. From food preparation and fire starting to building shelters and medicine using the right skills at the right time is what matters. A combat zone s not an environment where a Neurosurgeons skill set is useful or needed, let alone appreciated. And a cubicle is no place for someone like me.

 

I extend the same logic to folks like me who were specially trained for chaos via inconsistency and prolonged stress in early life experiences. A brain that developed in a chaotic environment adapted itself to function optimally in chaos.

 

You're trauma didn't break you it trained you. Which makes you a highly trained specialist working in the wrong field.

 

Chaos here needs to be defined for each persons. This book helps you identify your particular brand of chaos skills and match them with an adult environment in which your trauma training skills are useful so you can feel competent and thrive. 

​

For any human we know it takes a feeling of psychological safety, to learn new skills make memory's and bond socially. Learning to identify differently, as someone who isn't broken, is definitely a skill. Once safely in an environment where we feel competent and appreciated our symptoms lessen. Then we can start looking at long term fixes to the structural biology of the brain.

 

Movement, proper rest, fasting and mindfulness are all scientifically proven ways to make permanent positive changes to specific parts of the brain that get stunted damaged and altered as a result of early life trauma and stress. Rethinking Broken teaches you about each of these. What they do how it works how it helps and how much you need to do to se the benefits and for how long. There is no one way to heal so all these options are included so you can choose which ever way or ways work best for you.

 

If you're a thrill seeker, mindfulness may be what you need most, but movement may be the best place to start. If you're quiet and really don't like people maybe meditation is a great place to start and you work toward social engagements later.

​

Everyone who reads this book to the finish will understand why they think they're broken, why they're wrong about it and how to adjust your life to first feel competent and safe and then set up your life in a way that fosters a strong self-concept and pushes you toward being the badass that you were always meant to be.